Continued from Day 10620

Day 10621
Tuesday, 18 September 2018

I had beer during dinner (potato fries and chicken wings) last night. After much contemplation over the watching of a horror movie while I am alone, I ended up watching 6 episodes of New Girl Season 6.

It has been 50 days since I began writing my daily blog, nearly half of those were spent back home. I have yet to see any improvement in myself. No progress. This sucks.

NICK: “Oh, I got to get back to work. I told the entire staff they can have three days off ’cause Christmas is usually dead at the bar. So, it’s just gonna be me and the receipts.”

SCHMIDT: “You haven’t done those yet? Nick, our accountant needs them today.”

NICK: “I know. It’s the do date, So, I’m going to do them today.”

SCHMIDT: “D-U-E, Nicholas.”

NICK: “D-O-I-N-G-I-N-G. Doing. The doing date.”

I relate with Nick Miller from New Girl on a spiritual level. (Val: “You are him.”)

I don’t know Sanskrit outside of what I learnt at school between 6th and 8th standard. I can understand bits and pieces of it, if I come across a shloka or mantra. I have always had a fascination for the various tunes priests use while reciting shlokas and mantras. My favourite is the one they recite during weddings, when a piece of cloth is held in between the bride and groom, and their respective families stand on either side… I cannot reproduce neither the shloka or the tune, but I always found it very beautiful. I’m sure it is very meaningful too.

Parallel universes? Hmm. I have never given it much thought, honestly. Interstellar was kind of a let down, but that was Nolan and crew’s version of it. Until successfully proved, each of us are free to have our own version of what can’t be proven, the mysteries of what lies beyond our physical reach.

My mum’s been a real driving force in my life. She seems a little country and timid on the outside but she’s extremely strong-willed and a role model for me. I couldn’t have made it here without her, not that I have made anywhere yet. My first response to anxiety is slightly different than an anxiety attack. Anxiety drives me to procrastination, so I usually just stop moving or working or communicating or eating. I either go to sleep or binge watch something stupid, for days. I know it sounds funny, but it’s not. It has caused a lot of failure and problems for me over the years. There you go. I put it out there.

Day 10622
Wednesday, 19 September 2018

India lost the SAFF Championship final to Maldives. But India beat Pakistan at the Asia Cup today. That’s good enough.

Humans are so adorable!

Am I still stuck in my past? How do I get out?

It is okay to be afraid. Fear is a natural emotion, every living being capable of emoting feels it. When a prey is confronted by a predator, it uses fear as a trigger for fight or flight. See? Fear can be a great motivator for action, if channeled right… Meh, who am I kidding? I feel fear every time I have to talk in front of a group of people. I still haven’t figured how to overcome it.

I have Googled more normal people than celebrities, very rarely myself because I already how much of me I have put out on the internet. There is barely anything about me outside of my social media. Other people, I stalk. Or used to, for various reasons, the last of which was when we were going through potential grooms for my sister. I was incharge of background check related to internet activity. So much judging. I can’t remember the last person I googled. I like to be self-informed of who I’m dealing with.

One of the perks of being a shy introvert and the youngest kid in the extended family, nobody took you seriously initially, for which I have no complaints. I preferred being left to myself. But now that I’m older, I’m not close to any of them, haha. So the awkward silence continues. Even now if I visit the native, I am always with the cows, dogs, cats and my camera. Nobody talks to me.

Day 10623
Thursday, 20 September 2018

I may have failed the SME exam on my second attempt as well. I have no idea what’s next for me. Oral examination? God save me.

I went to the bank, Netto, and Lemongrass after the exam, for money, groceries, and lunch respectively. I got my €720 today, which means a lot of money saved this month. But that’s just because I went home and spent in ₹ instead. I really need to join a German tuition course.

The gun control debate all over again.

Fun Fact: The number of guns available to American civilians is estimated at around 310 million, that’s roughly 89 guns per 100 people. The second largest civilian firearm stockpile is India at 46 million. But India got people, so it’s only 4 guns per 100 people. Same with gun-related deaths. 120 deaths per million in USA compared to 3 per million in India. It has to do with gun procurement laws. It seems like it’s way too easy. (Source: America’s Gun Culture vs. The World in 5 Charts)

The only gun I ever held was a 0.303-inch calibre, but I was 13 and it was arms training at the NCC. We were too young to even carry it, so we learnt to shoot by resting it on sandbags and lying in prone position. Or maybe that’s how those rifles are used, I don’t know. I hope I never have to be near a gun again. Too lethal for me. Guns, like bow & arrow, are unforgiving, aren’t they? Once fired, you cannot take it back. One split second. If you make a mistake, you have to live with that regret forever.

Even the ancient mythology of Ramayana begins with a mistake.

Shravan Kumar’s parents were blind hermits. Having become quite aged, they wanted him to take them to the forty places of pilgrimage. At the time, transport was scarce and costly, and Shravan Kumar could not afford it. He decided to put each parent in a basket and tie each to an end of a bamboo pole, which he would shoulder while on their pilgrimage.

According to the legend in Ramayana, while hunting in the forest of Ayodhya, then Prince Dasharatha heard a sound near a lake and unleashed an arrow, hoping to hit an animal. When he crossed the lake to collect his kill, he found that his arrow had fatally struck a teenage boy who was bleeding. The boy, Shravan Kumar, told Dasharatha, that he had come to the lake to collect water for his sick and aged parents, who were both blind and whom he had been carrying on a sling. With his dying breath, Shravan requested the prince to take water to his parents and to tell them what happened. After telling his tale, Shravan succumbed to his wounds and when Dasharatha took water for his parents and told them of his tragic mistake, they were unable to bear the shock. Despite acknowledging that it was an accident, they cursed Dasharatha that he too would experience grief due to loss of a son. A curse which turned out to be true when he had to suffer the departure of his son Rama who had to be exiled at his own orders (it was actually his third wife’s wish that could not be ignored since he had himself had promised her years back when she had saved his life).

(Source: Wikipedia)

One wrong shot of the arrow set off the series of events in the epic.


I have to get up and make dinner. The dishes aren’t washed yet. I don’t think I do well living alone. It’s time to go watch Silent Hill. But before I go, enjoy these “Bollywood” songs from the 2000s, shot in the USA. (Bonus: It’s got SRK!)

Day 10624
Friday, 21 September 2018

Google Chrome changed again? It looks okay. I like it.

It is 13:24 and I just had breakfast. I definitely should not be allowed to live alone. It’s a good thing Gaurav and Praneeth are back. That will be the end of my little ‘adventure’.

Two consecutive losses in the Vijay Hazare Trophy. Karnataka has had a poor start to the 2018-19 season. They are the defending champions. I hope they get up on their feet soon.

Is the opposite of an activist a passivist?

I believe GSBs are some of the most progressive communities, especially in the conservative south. We are like the Punjabis of south India. We’re loud, we like to celebrate, we like to show off. Okay, the tulu bunts are slightly ahead of us. Fine, they can be the Punjabis of south India, whatever. But seeing as how much importance to education and progress we give (not just literacy). Some newspaper did a centre page coverage of the GSB community, and I was pretty proud to read it. The Canara Bank and Canara educational institutions, Manipal, Tinkle, and more… and all these were pioneers. There was no competition or past legacy. Well, there will always be those conservationists stuck in stone age, but on the majority of the 3 lakh or so of us, we are a pretty progressive and cool bunch of people, not that I have met all of them. That’s just my opinion.

Gouda Saraswat Brahmin : A History
The Many Names of the Unassuming Gouda Saraswat Brahmin

Day 10625
Saturday, 22 September 2018

I arrived in Germany exactly a year ago. It seems like the year went by way too fast. I don’t think I accomplished anything at all.

I wonder if the Americans learn temperature in Fahrenheit in schools as well. If yes, that must be one hell of a conversion from F to K in science class. Subtract 273, multiply by 9, divide by 5, add 32… Oh wait, that’s K to F.

I went to the Waschsalon today. USA smashed the 7th highest T20 score ever, in an innings. 249 runs. And it was Belize’s independence day yesterday. The Americans showed no mercy. RCB, of course, holds the world record. USA against Canada tonight. Cricket’s oldest rivalry. Canada has a 4-1 head-to-head advantage in the last 5 encounters.

I had a weird dream this afternoon. We were in Kumta and my dad was test driving an electric car by driving it to Kagal for some reason. He asked me to accompany him, but I was a little late, so he left. Anxious that he was mad at me, I took a auto-rickshaw and followed him. I remember I kept wondering out loud that an electric car with limited charge should not have gone too far, and we should have caught up by now. Suddenly, a few bikers overtook us, and the driver decided to give them a chase. Or I can’t remember if it was just me telling him to keep going faster so we could catch up with my dad. At some point, the driver lost control and there must have been a ramp of some sort, because the rickshaw was airborne and doing somersaults. On its way down, I remember seeing a tree, and I tried to jump out of the flying/falling vehicle and grab onto the tree but couldn’t, and I hit the floor so hard, I died instantly. The last I remember was me in spirit form visiting my dad, who was having tea with his uncle and aunt, wondering where I was.

I know, right? (Have you read about some of my previous dream experiences yet?)

Continue to Day 10626.


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