The pit(s) I manage to dig myself in to. Wow. I seem to have gone ahead and pissed off a bunch of my dormies. How did that happen? I’ll tell you.
I happened to log into my Novellus Batman Facebook account after ages, and the first thing I see is this post:
So, naturally I think, “omg drama on HiH what’s new lel“, and I take a screenshot. First mistake.
Then I go ahead and post it in the only three group chats I am in (all HiH related) I hang out these days in the name of being active on social media, with a laughing emoji . Second mistake.
One of the three chats is the L42 Chatroom, of course. The other two are dormie-infiltrated (by Lurkelly, semmi, deve and emilie) too. Now, a handful of my dormies are still active on HiH, even running things behind-the-scenes, which I should have been sensitive of before posting that in the name of humour. Third mistake.
Of course they have other channels of communication amongst themselves invisible to me, considering I am no longer active on HiH. How stupid of me!
Claier and Lurkelly are the first to react. I talk to each of them in private chat, and fill myself in on what actually happened. Apparently, somebody pretended to be somebody else altogether for months on end, and when they were revealed, it came as a shock to all those who trusted them with, well, their trust. Feelings of being let down, betrayal and hurt… I get all that. Totally, I understand it. Betrayal and loss of trust sucks. It sucks that they are going through all that right now, and I cannot help them make it go away. I hope they get over it soon.
Posting that screenshot and thinking it was funny was wrong, I’ll admit that. I cannot undo it. It was tactless from me. BUT, what I hope my dormies will realise is the immediate thought that crossed my mind when I shared the screenshot was “deja vu? Rebecca Black?“, which is why I found it funny in the first place. I barely log into HiH or HiH-related Facebook anymore. I have nothing to do with what goes on on HiH, ever since I found out I am no longer Student Liaison of Ravenclaw. I would never have found it funny if I knew what went down. I immediately regretted my actions. I swear I did not know who posted it as Oshiro. It was entirely unintentional. I wish I could take it back. I’m so sorry, I did not mean to make it worse for them.
I apologised in the group chats, and also personally to all those who took offence. I seem to have succeeded in my efforts at damage repair, for the most part. Except one. And it still eats at me every time I think of it. The worst part is not that I let her down (that’s close, because she’s one of my favourite people on the internet), neither is the most scathing text message she left me (boy, I didn’t know that side of her even existed. I got schooled!), in which she literally said-
“you make me sick to the stomach now that it’s clear you don’t care who gets hurt as long as people think you’re cool and funny. You are not the person I thought you were. How dare you. We don’t talk much anymore, but I didn’t realize that meant you think my emotional and mental pain is funny. I thought we still had some sort of friendship (which is clearly all but over now)“
The worst part is that she hasn’t replied to my texts. Yet.
It’s killing me.
Update (7 August 2018):
She replied! I would say this is the best day of the month if it weren’t my birthday month. I’m so happy she did, so we were able to work things out. Gotta love communication. Communication solves everything, kids.
All is well.